Dave Franco – Hottest Guy in the World (This Month)

photo courtesy of Out.com

“A large boiling pot of water is not a Jacuzzi. Still, I think you should jump in.
” 
— Jarod Kintz

I want to take Dave France and frame him in an ornate but worn wooden frame from the thrift store by my house. The dude is so pretty you could wrap him in old fly paper and every woman for 1000 miles would flock to eat it off his lovely body. The funny, charming, good timey fun guy part just pushes it over the edge so let’s simply focus on the objectification, shall we? 

photo courtesy of Fanpop.com

After I saw Neighbors last night, I called Dave to ask him a couple questions. What I really wanted to do was knock on his door with a bottle of whiskey and a tube of Chapstick, but I settled for a phone call. After all, it was after 9pm and I was still in my gym clothes from my 6am class. Don’t judge me. 

Ring Ring Ring…

MK : “Hey, Dave, it’s MK.”

DF : “Oh, hey, MK, what’s up? I’m just hopping into the jacuzzi, mind if I put you on speaker?”

Take a deep breath and quickly imagine naked Dave slowly lowering himself into a steamy vat of bubbles with just enough light and haze to see those beautiful eyes…

MK : “Yeah, you bet, no prob. Hey, I just saw Neighbors and I had a couple questions for my article.”

DF : “Shoot.”

This is where I want to ask if I can just pop by and oh I just love jacuzzis and yes I would LOVE to stick around and have a glass of alcohol and soak in wet sparkling goodness with you…

MK : “In the movie Zac Efron’s arms are super sexy. Did you two ever snuggle up shirtless and perhaps make a little video you could share with me?”

DF : “Actually we did. Hold on, I’ll text it to you.”

Beep beep – holy cow. I’m keeping this one for myself. You know, celebrity privacy and all that jazz…

MK : “Awesome, thanks for that. I’ll check it out later (also known as right now).”

DF : “Man, can you hold on for just a second? It’s getting really hot in here, I need to grab a cold beer and something sexy sounding to eat while we chat. Be right back.”

Watching video, watching video, watching video…now I need a cold drink…

DF : “I’m back. So what was your favorite part of Neighbors?”

MK : “I like the part where Zac BBQs.”

DF : “Yeah, that’s a pretty important part.”

MK : “Totally.”

MK : “I also liked pretty much everything Seth said. I usually do. It was hard to hear him over all the shiny shots of Zac shoulders, but from what I could retain it seemed pretty funny.”

DF : “Yeah, working with Zac is very distracting. I was really trying to get Method with that role, but every time wardrobe stuck him in a beanie hat it all went out the window.”

MK : “Right? You just want to eat his face off. Although I must add that I really liked your work in the sex scene. Your butt looked fantastic!”

DF : “Thanks! My trainer and I worked on a special regimen to prepare for the role.”

Still watching the video, watching the video…focus, focus…

MK : “Well, thanks for taking a few minutes to answer my questions. This should really round out the article.”

DF : “No problem, I , I…”

MK : “Are you ok? You sound like you are in pain.”

DF : “Darn it, I have the craziest itch in the center of my back and I can’t reach it because I’m here all alone. It’s driving me nuts.”

Uhhhmmmmmmm…

MK : “I could come over and scratch that itch, you know, Dave.”

DF : “I was hoping you’d say that. Zac won’t be here for another hour or two with the margaritas, and I’d love the company.”

On my way…

photo courtesy of GQ