Why Kenny F–ing Powers is the Best Boyfriend You’ll Ever Have

by Mary Kay Holmes on September 19, 2013

in COMEDY, IN PRAISE OF..., LISTS, SPORTS, VIDEO

kenny powersKenny Powers is handsome, charming, and incredibly well dressed. Have you ever seen a sexier beast on a purple and leopard print jet ski? I think not.

I realize you don’t need a list to remind you why you fell in love with Kenny, but even Angelina wonders if she made the right choice in Brad every once in awhile. Great loves occasionally require a little reminder, and here’s yours–the Top Ten Reasons Kenny Powers is the Best Boyfriend Ever. Feel free to post it over the sink and feel like the luckiest girl in the world every time you rinse out his jock strap. You’re welcome.

10. Kenny respects your privacy, as well as everyone else’s. You can keep your most private confessions safely in an unlocked diary next to photos of yourself in high school and prescription drugs. Large amounts of cash? No worries. Your respectful partner will always treat your possessions preciously as if they were his own.

9. It may not come as a surprise, but he’s amazing at water sports. What’s better than a fun boyfriend you can take out on a hot Daytona Beach day and show off to all the girls from work? Pop open a Schlitz and watch your man dazzle them! You’ll be the talk of the water cooler on Monday.

8. Kenny is an amazing dancer, especially when he’s on drugs (luckily, he’s often on drugs, so you can count on his moves). You know those rave videos with all the gorgeous, shiny, neon people dancing in sync while some fancy DJ in all white commands the crowds from his tower? This is how you feel when you hit the dance floor with your man. Middle school dances become dreamscapes of fantasy as all eyes are on you…

7. Everyone gets fired up, it happens.  One second you are sharing a delightful meal with some good friends and the next thing you know people are in a heated debate over climate change and Syria. Thankfully you have a man like Kenny to take the lead and smooth things over.

6. Kenny thinks are you perfect and sexy, just the way you are. No man on earth will make you feel confident the way he will.

5. We all fantasize about meeting our White Knight and having children, but you have the real deal. Not only will Kenny be involved in the raising of your children, but he supports a woman’s need to take time for herself. Some women get massage certificates on their birthday, he makes you a weekly appointment. You deserve it.

4. Men who take care of themselves are sexy, and Kenny takes it to the max. Fitness, sports, machetes–there is nothing this man can’t do physically. Seeing him in action gets your libido going every time…

3. Kenny is a superb role model, and believes in giving back to the community. Volunteering and working with children is something we all should do to make the world a better place, but Kenny actually does it.

2. Kenny’s friends are the best. When your girlfriends complain about their husbands “bros” who are always watching sports on your TV, objectifying women, and eating your food you just laugh. Poor girls, you really can’t commiserate, Kenny’s best friend is so awesome you’d fix him up with your sister if you had one.

1. Since we all know that men with money are the best kind of men, you hit the big time with this one. “What’s your boyfriend do?” “Oh, nothing, he’s just the CEO of KSWISS! Boom!”

The New Season of East Bound and Down starts Sunday, September 29, 2013. Watch it on HBO.

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Mary Kay Holmes (Sr. Contributing Editor, Los Angeles)

Mary Kay Holmes runs an empire called Daily Hot Guy and dares you to download the iPhone app so you can join her in a world where there is an abundance of gorgeous men, chocolate and cocktails.Check out the iPhone app in iTunes!Handsome men are awesome.www.dailyhotguy.com

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